Friday, September 14, 2007

yesterday was a good day, i didn't eat to much.

here it goes, what i had to eat yesterday. thursday the 13th.

fries, from susies
1 rugalach cookie
1 lipton sweetened iced tea
chicken biryani, a very large order of it too. from ghareeb nawaz, the best.
1 samosa
1 dark chocolate bar
a few pretzel nibblers
red beans, yellow rice with gandule beans and sausage. spare ribs and bread n' butter from cafe central.
another dark chocolate bar

this doesn't look so bad, not at all. i had indian/pakistan and puerto rican food in the same day, within just hours of each other. i am the man!!!!!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

What I ate yesterday.

well it was a tough day yesterday, i ate a lot more than i had intended to. see, what happened was while i was working (i'm a part time driver), the woman i was waiting for had her appointment time extended. with the extra time i decided to go to "bari foods" and get a sub sandwich, also, i figured i could get some shots for my food show (i do a comedy/food show). this is all really kool except for three things. 1) i have lunch plans with a friend immediately after work. 2) it was rosh hashana and me n' my beautiful jewish girl girlfriend were having an early dinner for the holiday, and anybody who has celebrated a jewish holiday knows how the meal is. they throw down when it comes to meal time, if it were a porno, it'd be a triple xxx hardcore scene. 3) i had breakfast just a few hours earlier, which was a large bowl of oat bran cereal, a large glass of orange juice, a quart of water, one morning star sausage pattie and a dark chocolate candy bar. so here it goes, what i ate yesterday:
large bowl of oat bran cereal
large glass of o.j.
fake sausage pattie
dark chocolate candy bar
1 9" turkey sub from bari foods
chocolate doughnut, only the chocolate parts, the dough was to dry
bowl of egg drop soup
egg roll
beef satay
almond cookies
fortune cookie
lot's of ooo long tea with two sugars in each cup
another dark chocolate candy bar
a few handful of pretzel nibblers
crumbs from a chocolate scone
gefelte fish ball
matzo ball soup
lots of turkey
a serving of koogala
some jello
halla bread
matzo crackers
green beans
a few slices of banana cake
a slice of honey cake

i then took a 9 minute krap. when i came out of the can, almost everyone had left for services at depaul. this was really weird to me actually, really weird. the fact that everyone was gone except my girlfriend and her friend sorta freaked me out for a moment. while i was taking a krap i began to fantasize, which i often do, i fantasized that because i was krappin' for so long, that when i came out of the bathroom everyone had a) been murdered by robbers, and there was blood and guts everywhere, except for my girlfriends which gave me hope. then i began a journey to find her with the clues collected from the scene of the crime. it was a real scary thought. or, b) everyone had just disappeared, i mean everyone in the world. gone. a complete ghost town, everywhere. that fantasy had left me with a very eerie feeling. when i came out of the bathroom, which was all the way in the back of the home, it was so quiet that i started to get a little anxiety until i saw my girlfriend and her friend cleaning up. the anxiety actually made me feel like i had to take another krap. that was my day and what i had eaten.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The Hollister!!!

The Hollister:

1 yellow or spanish onion
3/4 cloves of garlic
1 butcher shop handmade wiener cut into quarter sizes pieces, thinner/thicker depending on your preference
olive oil
bow tie pasta
2 chicken bullion cubes
1 large egg

saute the onions and garlic together in oil till it's nice n' brown, season with salt n' pepper to your liking. then add the hot dog slices into the pan with the onions and garlic, brown em' up good too. you can add a little more olive oil and salt n' pepper to taste at this point. start the bow tie at this point, add a little salt, olive oil, and the two or three chicken bullion to the water. as soon as the bow tie pasta is ready, drain it well, then add it to pan with all of the onions, garlic and hot dog slices. splash in a little more olive oil and salt n' pepper to taste, then crack the large egg and add it into the mix. you're gonna wanna stir the egg in real well, and keep mixing it all up for about a minute or two, until the egg looks cooked and no longer slimy. then "vwaa la" you are done. toss it on your plate and eat away, and if you don't like this meal, well, you can go F yourself.

Sunday, September 9, 2007


Good evening Ladies and Gents,

I'm Anne, Monte's girlfriend. I thought I'd start him off in this lovely blog.

Monte lives for food. He's a comedian, actor, painter, photographer and much more. He loves me and he loves food. Starting in October he'll be performing at the Lincoln Lodge.

During his show, Monte will tell you about three of his favorite places to eat in this wonderful city we call "Chicago." These are probably not places you've been before. He mostly focuses on greasy little joints that are hidden out west or don't look so great from the outside. His show includes a montage of slides that he uses to show you around the restaurant and you even get to watch him eat his meal. As a bonus, he serves everyone in the audience a bit of food from one of the places that he talked about. Its a great show, and its sure to please.