Thursday, September 13, 2007

What I ate yesterday.

well it was a tough day yesterday, i ate a lot more than i had intended to. see, what happened was while i was working (i'm a part time driver), the woman i was waiting for had her appointment time extended. with the extra time i decided to go to "bari foods" and get a sub sandwich, also, i figured i could get some shots for my food show (i do a comedy/food show). this is all really kool except for three things. 1) i have lunch plans with a friend immediately after work. 2) it was rosh hashana and me n' my beautiful jewish girl girlfriend were having an early dinner for the holiday, and anybody who has celebrated a jewish holiday knows how the meal is. they throw down when it comes to meal time, if it were a porno, it'd be a triple xxx hardcore scene. 3) i had breakfast just a few hours earlier, which was a large bowl of oat bran cereal, a large glass of orange juice, a quart of water, one morning star sausage pattie and a dark chocolate candy bar. so here it goes, what i ate yesterday:
large bowl of oat bran cereal
large glass of o.j.
fake sausage pattie
dark chocolate candy bar
1 9" turkey sub from bari foods
chocolate doughnut, only the chocolate parts, the dough was to dry
bowl of egg drop soup
egg roll
beef satay
almond cookies
fortune cookie
lot's of ooo long tea with two sugars in each cup
another dark chocolate candy bar
a few handful of pretzel nibblers
crumbs from a chocolate scone
gefelte fish ball
matzo ball soup
lots of turkey
a serving of koogala
some jello
halla bread
matzo crackers
green beans
a few slices of banana cake
a slice of honey cake

i then took a 9 minute krap. when i came out of the can, almost everyone had left for services at depaul. this was really weird to me actually, really weird. the fact that everyone was gone except my girlfriend and her friend sorta freaked me out for a moment. while i was taking a krap i began to fantasize, which i often do, i fantasized that because i was krappin' for so long, that when i came out of the bathroom everyone had a) been murdered by robbers, and there was blood and guts everywhere, except for my girlfriends which gave me hope. then i began a journey to find her with the clues collected from the scene of the crime. it was a real scary thought. or, b) everyone had just disappeared, i mean everyone in the world. gone. a complete ghost town, everywhere. that fantasy had left me with a very eerie feeling. when i came out of the bathroom, which was all the way in the back of the home, it was so quiet that i started to get a little anxiety until i saw my girlfriend and her friend cleaning up. the anxiety actually made me feel like i had to take another krap. that was my day and what i had eaten.

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